The no-deodorant, hairy armpit, baguette lovin Frenchies will be putting a new face in Élysée Palace when they elect a President on May 6.
And although there is much promise for the yet to be determined Chirac-successor to do well and blast Americans in his/her term, there is no promise for a first lady. Bernadette Chirac, who fulfilled her dutiful role as la Premiere Beeeetch, standing by her man, I’m-no-frere-Jacques, despite numerous allegations of his philandering oui-oui. She even threatened him and publicly stated that, "Convention meant that in this kind of situation you put up a front and just kept going. In any case I warned him often enough: the day Napoleon left Josephine, he lost everything.”
Corner #1: Ségolène Royal, the Socialist Party candidate, is not married to her baby daddy (they got 4), François Hollande. But more than that, they are political rivals. Kind of like the Ragin Cajun James Carville and his weezy, Mary Magdalene (Matalin), here in les Etats Unis. Hollande, who as head of the Socialist Party, who was almost the party’s candidate this time, says he will try to run in 2012 if his heterosexual life partner loses. And being an alpha male, he added that even if Royal won the election, he would not be joining her in the Élysée Palace. "I am not the one who is going to be elected," he said. "If Ségolène Royal wins, my situation doesn't change. It is Ségolène Royal who has a great responsibility and has to decide what is the best way of exercising it - including where she lives." Hollande then said, “Eeen Frahhnce, you dooo naht need two, you need one," A stark contrast to the Clintons’ campaign in 1992 when Billie and his overachieving Willie p!mped his wife and told the American pubic – I mean, public, they would be getting "two for the price of one”. Poor Hollande, the forgotten man of French presidential politics, the one who could have been a contender, instead he has been condemned to a small supporting role – while his woman is on her own Tour De France wh0ring herself Moulin Rouge style, he’s become Monsieur Mom, the French Steadman.
Corner #2: Nicolas Sarkozy, the conservative candidate, has been campaigning without his wife, Cécilia Sarkozy. When asked on a popular French tv show how she envisioned her life in 10 years, Madame Sarko-zeeznuts said, "In the United States, jogging in Central Park. I don't see myself as a first lady.” As if that weren’t enough a humiliating Ike Turner-eat-the-cake-AnnaMae-slap in her husband’s face and political career, she said “That bores me." Cécilia Sarkozy has apparently been busy strolling the Champs Elysee, shopping while her husband has been sprinting the campaign trail. Or perhaps while he’s been busy trying to get elected, she’s been getting busy with the pool boy or a PR executive. In 2005, Cécilia Sarkozy was crepe-ing (creeping, crepe-ing, get it?) with a prominent public relations executive and even left Nicolas, only to return with a flurry of publicity and genial warts.
In the 49-year history of the Fifth Republic, there have been other presidential couples that were “unconventional” avec problèmes matrimoniaux. When the wife of President Giscard d'Estaing, Anne-Aymone, was asked what she wanted to do most as first lady, she replied, "To no longer be one." And let’s not forget Francois Mitterand’s concealment of the existence his bastard daughter Mazarine for over 10 years. Talk about daddy issues . . .
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